Rainy Days and Mondays.... sometimes....

...Really Do Get You Down!!!!
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Woke up this morning with a really strangely off feeling, as if something is not right....   chuck it all of to the fact that it is Monday and yes, Raining once again....   i said to myself, "Yeah, That's it,,,  so SNAP out of it, get you ASS out of bed and get cracking with work....  this in turn will make you SNAP out of this strange feeling you are having....."

So like with all my mornings, I get our of bed; make the bed; wash face/brush teeth/morning pee pee; then I turn on the computer while making coffee.... and enjoy the fresh cup(s) of coffee as I answer emails; check on things; and check in with FB....

All was going well, nothing bad... nothing unusual....  then suddenly, at half past 10AM - I get a PM from my cousin: "rudi plss call bout mommy emergency!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Right away I was in a frenzy, trying to call long distance to Manila but was having a terrible time and could not connect....  maybe the rain, maybe the International Calling Service...  whatever... it took me another 20 mins before I could connect....   Spoke with my Mom's husband - sadly, most of the time I also cannot make out what he is saying.... and when he is frazzled like this, even worse....   the jist of it was that my Mom just suddenly fell, left side paralyzed, and mumbles when she is trying to talk....   a Stroke is the first thing that came to mind....   So I asked what is going on at that time, to which he replied: "Am waiting for you or Cholo (my half brother) to call as I need to take her to the Hospital but I have no money..."    Right away, I was burning - could feel myself turning red with frustrations....  I mean, I would have taken her to the Hospital first then worry about the $$$....  I calmly (as calm as I could) told him: "Pls take her to the Hospital now....  and see have her look over... and I will deal with the money issues after.... "   This seemed to work and he was a bit at eased...called for a cab to take them to the hospital....

An hour ago I checked and my Mom was already put to sleep...  more new meds needed....  change of meds for one thing or another....  my Stepfather is still unclear - so I need to wait till the Doctor is around - so I can understand more.....

Am soooooooo  frustrated.....   with the situation... I mean I cannot blame my stepfather for having apprehensions regarding money matters...   that is just the way things are.....   I am more frustrated that being here in Taiwan, I could not do more for my Mom....  and that really besides my Stepfather, there is no one else taking care of my Mom....   Can only be glad that my cousin is close enough, can be reached by them all the time to get word out to me....  as is the case this morning.....

Most of all, am frustrated and saddened with the turn of events....   I feel my Mom is going through enough with having to deal with Breast Cancer - she need not be paralyzed as well....  I am soooo afraid as to how she will be affected by these new events....   I am soooo afraid of how how all these will affect her physically......

So now I wait  a bit longer to hear what the Doctor has to say....   run a few work errands in the rain - which made me frustrated even more......    how can I concentrate and focus when I have too much anxieties running through my brains.....   right now, all I could do is try to write my feelings down here - just to get some of these anxieties out of my system.....

Waiting, like Rainy Days and Mondays - at times - really gets to me.... :(