just gotta Believe - no matter what....

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough."

~ Violet Baudelaire (A Series of Unfortunate Events, 2004)

Lost In Taipei

The past few days found me all alone in Taipei - cold, dreary & rainy Taipei.... David is away on one of his tours.... Jewel, Lyn & Shaun down in Nantou for a family wedding.... and even Wu Papa went back to Kaohsiung to check on his plants and for a little break.... it was a nice quiet break - as there are just times that one needs to be alone for some Peace & Quiet - and be able to REFLECT on THINGS: Life, Family, Work, and just about everything else in between....

and REFLECTING I DID - lots of it.... in fact, so much so I started feeling SO LOST once again.... so many things came back that arose all the feelings of FRUSTRATIONS, BETRAYAL, HOPELESSNESS & DESPERATION... and they HURT just as much as they did, the first time around.... even more so knowing that SOME THINGS, and SOME PEOPLE, JUST NEVER CHANGE....

I tried to alleviate all by going for long bus rides.... trekking here and there... window shopping and snapping some photos... always a FAVE pastime.... but this time around, I just felt soooo LOST, I could not even really concentrate or see what I was taking photos of.... and I know, it was not because the days are GLOOMY... it is all the Dark Clouds hovering over me, blocking the Happiness that should be in my Heart...

Anyway, this weekend I came to realize that what people say is TRUE:
"There are Just Some Things When Broken, Could Never, Ever Be Put Back Together Again.."
A Few Random Shots I Took The Last Couple Of Days...

Moving On....

“No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?”
-Elbert Hubbard

Nice quote, indeed.... but how true is this for each of us.... we all have our own definition of what is expected of us in regards to our own families.... all of these are dictated, for the most part, by our upbringing, our childhood, and the life we lead into our own adulthood...

I find that nowadays, it is soooo easy to "blame our childhood" -- mostly, for the bad turn of events in our lives.... I mean, not many people will actually jump for joy at the happiest times or victories in their adult life, and thank their parents for their upbringing.... most will relegate it to hard work, and their own focus and determination in life, or maybe even their own family.... But in times of despairs and defeats, most blames what was lacking in their upbringing.... neglect of ones parents.... and better yet, NO LOVE or SUPPORT from one's parents.... But "How far & how much must we Blame?" and "How Long Must we go on Blaming?" and worse, "Even remember even sadder moments of one's childhood that never even truly happened!" At times, some of us gets carried away with our sad memories that they end up being blown out of proportions; and things that never happened seemed to materialized in our minds... and they become so real that they get incorporated to ones childhood suffering memories...

Sadly, I see a lot of these with my very own family.... and it is a vicious circle - and one that seems to not have an end looming anytime in the near future... and even sadder, it gets to me more than anything.... I have wrestled with these emotions with so many members of my family - as I cannot quite comprehend the idea of blaming others for how our lives turned.... I mean, I can relate and understand having a really bad childhood upbringing.... feeling no love or support from anyone at all - truly a sad thing, especially when there is no family when you need them the most... so this is something we do not have any control over.... and I feel, we just make do with what we have and try to get by during these years... till you are old enough to MOVE ON and take matters in your own hands... do what you can to help Navigate your DESTINY... put the Future in your own Hands, so to speak.... and when this time comes, then we have no one else to "blame" or "pat in the back" but ourselves in however our lives may turn out.... as it should be....

So, I say, "Let's All Grow Up Already!" and "Stop All The Blaming and Move On..." all these blaming will lead nowhere but more sadness, more hurt, and more riffs between all the family.... we all need to just get passed the Past, no matter how hurtful we may remember them to be (but of course, NEVER FORGET -- big difference there...) and Move On.... as the world turns and evolves, so Must We.... Forget all the hurt.... be at Peace with one's self.... it is the only thing we can do - to make our life, and those of others affected, more Peaceful....

And though I write this now, in hopes that it will be read and taken into consideration... I also know, am aware, that coming to terms with ourselves requires a lot out of each and everyone of us.... and we all have to do so in our own terms.. at our own individual pace.... but we must also realize that every moment that passes by, are moments we lose out on time that can be spent with love ones...

sleepless in taipei...

Just past 2AM... am wide awake.... i should be happy as i just got back from a EUROPEAN trip... I am... and am not....so much on my mind.... am UNWELL...

weThink, weShare: We are what we believe we are. -C. S. Lewis

so this is the Quote of the Day I got below.... and it got me to thinking.... all through breakfast, showering, and getting ready.... I suppose it is a GREAT thing, as it can PUSH us to our LIMITS... to reach for the stars.... to attain all that we wish for and reach all our goals.... but what of the other side of it - where some actually fool themselves into believing they are who they think they are - they tell themselves this and they actually end up TRULY BELIEVING... then wouldn't their lives be just BASED ON LIES?

I have seen this TRAIT on someone very close to me... at first I tried to understand, IGNORED it, DEALT with it.... and in the end - it caused such a biiiig rift between us - a rift that could never, ever be repaired... a rift that even caused a bit of unwanted/ and very unnecessary dramas over this year's XMAS celebration....

I mean, I believe in: "to each his own"... "whatever gets you through the day".... or just the plain fact that people do NEED TO BELIEVE IN CERTAIN THINGS to get them through their days... but if these will cause HARM to others, to friendships, to relationships... and eventually, their own selves... then why CONTINUE? why not just BE REAL? didn't someone say to "just tell the truth then you do not have too much details to have to remember"....

oh well, in lieu of the Holiday Season, I suppose I will just let it be.... and just hope 2010 will be a much simpler and most of all, REAL!

...coping.... and letting out steam...

Natural Disasters...calamities... they bring out the WORST & the BEST of people and all we can do is WISH that the GOOD always outweighs the BAD...

Alas, even in our personal lives, when affected by such NATURAL DISASTERS, I always end up feeling soooo HELPLESS and even more sad, DISAPPOINTED with some people, mainly by family... and this I know is my OWN PROBLEM... and SOMETHING I need to COPE with and DEAL it on my own.... but am just letting out steam as I find it BEST to let it out and then, move on...

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all these frustrations and sadness are brought on by not being able to speak to my MOM since the TYPHOON hit the Northern part of the Philippines.... i was basically going CRAZY not being able to connect though emails or phone calls... knowing that parts of RIZAL, where she is were HIT badly too - so many BAD THOUGHTS were running through my mind.... all the while I kept to myself, as I knew there was no sense talking about it to anyone yet... I just kept hoping that between my Cousin, Nephew and myself - we would be able to CONTACT her or my Half Brother somehow... and soon...

Yesterday I got an email from my half brother -- he was able to finally email from work... to my relief, they managed to weather out the storm with most of their stuff, in the house, just getting wet -- but all three of them (Mom, my half brother and his Dad) are fine and safe... Sadly, now they have to deal with getting everything dried and livable... all these in the midst of not having electricity or water to date....

I was so frustrated as all I could wish was to be in Manila already and MOVE her myself... so all nite long I tossed and turned in my sleep, what little of it I got.... kept thinking of what I can do.... how to move my Mom out of that area - no matter how she likes the Fresh Air and quietness of the area... how, I just need to "SUCK IT UP" and forget asking & waiting for my other siblings' help... it frustrates me to feel why MUST I BE the only one that my MOM could turn to??? I know that we all have grown up... living different lives... with our own set of problems & responsibilities... but at times like these, aren't we all supposed to do what we can for the ones we love who are less fortunate... and were HIT with such disasters... Besides, how can we SLEEP COMFORTABLY, when we are not even SURE our LOVE ONES have a DRY BED to sleep on???

and then it comes back to me: how I was told that: "since I am the NOT MARRIED ONE with NO CHILDREN of my own -- I am the one to TAKE CARE of our MOM.." The sad thing is that i really do not understand the need to say this to me, as I would do it anyway for my Mom -- as I have been all these years... SO GO FIGURE!

Anyway, the jist of it all is that, via coordination with my half brother & my cousin (NANAY) -- I will get my MOM moved even before I get to Manila....

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OKAY... ALL OUT - TIME TO MOVE ON....

...and something to PONDER on over Easter Week...

Just sharing a favorite writing by Seth channeled by Jane Roberts. It is about violence, violence not only in physical action but also in mind and words.

"There is never any justification for violence. There is no justification for hatred. There is no justification for murder. Those who indulge in violence for whatever reasons are themselves changed, and the purity of their purpose adulterated."

"I have told you that if you do not like the state of your world, it is yourselves that you must change, individually and en masse. This is the only way that change will be affected."

"If your generation or any generation effects a change, this is the only way it will be done. What i am telling you has been said before through the centuries. It is up to you as to whether or not you will listen."

"It is wrong to curse a flower and wrong to curse a man. It is wrong to hold any man in honor, and it is wrong to ridicule any man. You must honor yourselves and see within yourselves the spirit of eternal vitality. If you do not do this, then you will destroy what you touch. And you must honor each other individual also, because in him is the spark of eternal vitality.

"When every young man refuses to go to war, you will have peace. As long as you fight for gain and greed, there will be no peace, As long as one person commits acts of violence for the sake of peace, you will have war. Unfortunately it is difficult to imagine that all young men in all countries will refuse to go to war all at the same time. And so you must work out the violence that violence has wrought, Within the next hundred years that time may come. Remember, you do not defend an idea with violence."

"There is no man who hates but that that hatred is reflected outward and made physical. And there is no man who loves but that love is reflected outward and made physical."

by Seth

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

sending off my wishes now, as am sure most of you will be bizi, or should be bizi, this weekend with your special someone(s), significant other, date, or blind date... ENJOY and SWEET LOVE to you all...
Sharing 3 of my FAVE QUOTES -- 2 from E.M. Foster's book, Maurice, which I have read a millionth times... and a brand new one from the movie, SIKIL:

-"I was yours once till death, if you cared to keep me."

-I should have gone through life half awake, if you had the decency to leave me alone."

-Hindi ko alam kung ano ako. Ang alam ko lang may kung anong putang inang ugat sa Puso Ko na tumitibok lamang para sa iyo."

***GOT ANY OF YOUR OWN TO ADD? JUST SEND ON THROUGH THE COMMENTS SECTION...

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weThink weShare #3 - 2 sides of LOVE

what's Your Take On Love???

"Love Actually" - A New XMas Tradition

12 more days till XMAS!!!!
Well, most of us are probably watching the classic movies that gets re broadcast year after year during the Holidays: "White XMas", A Christmas Carol", The Sound Of Music", and so on... or Newer XMas Classics: "Home Alone", A Christmas Story", Scrooged", etc...

One movie that has become a tradition for me is "Love Actually"...  The movie follows 8 interrelated couples - all dealing with their own kinds of LOVE -- set during the frenzied month of DEC...  culminating on XMAS DAY... 

It is one of those movies that has everything and are all well told, well paced, and each with its' own HAPPY ENDING -- even when the couples do not really get together in the end... It is both heartwarming  and REAL....  Below are the two STAND OUT story arcs in my opinion... 

The BEST STORY LINE:
This Kiera Knightley one is one of the sweetest pay off in a love story movie...even though the GUY does not get the girl....

The MOST HEARTBREAKING one:
Midlife Crisis at its' most devastating....  knowing that your other half is having an affair....  the look on Emma Thompson's face upon opening up her XMAS gift of a Joni Mitchell CD is so heartbreaking.... 

...The other stories are just as GREAT and TOUCHING... this is truly one of the BEST Holiday movies for the MODERN TIMES.....  and will Forever be Timeless.....

...Not at all in the Spirit of XMas....

Just a little while ago, my housemate Lyn, was telling me about an article she read on today's, paper earlier today... it happened in Tainan, a couple of hours away from Taipei....

It seems an older man was a victim of hit and run which he survived... but was hit badly that he could not get up fast... it seems no one bothered to help this man at all -- but there were bystanders... along came another car and hit him again - this time fatally...

Alas, no punch lines guys... this is a TRUE STORY right from Taiwan's newspaper for the day...

It is a SAD state when you hear about these things... a simple act of kindness or showing concern for a fellow human being could mean saving a life... and yet, so many people do not want to get involved...

Are we so NUMB to what's going on around us?
And is it maybe from all the SADNESS & DEVASTATION we have witnessed in our lives?
How can we expect to get along with our neighbouring countries when we cannot even show concerns for our own countrymen???

No Matter, there are NO EXCUSES to not knowing that it is our GOD GIVEN RIGHT to lend a hand, show care, & compassion for our fellow men - to just REACH OUT and TOUCH somebody's Hand, somebody's Heart...
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Truly not a story one would like to read in keeping with the Xmas Spirits.... makes one think of all the other bad stuff happening in the world, of late, the mindless bombings in MUMBAI, India.... senselessly, so many lives were lost...

..am FLYING AWAY!!!!

Well, it is that time of the month again when I FLY OUT to see my MOM..... check up on her and this time I even get to visit my DAD's Grave as I will be in Manila for All Souls Day... These monthly trips are soooo tiring, not to mention costly... but such is life so there is not much more I can do 'cept to go with the flow of things... haaays, if only I can actually just fly the broom and back - that would surely save me $$$ and TIME.... oh well, DREAM ON!!!

It is soooo AMAZING how so much can happen and change in just a few days.... Wish it could be delightful and positive things but instead new frustrations and hurdles to overcome have risen... AM SOOOOOO FRUSTRATED and SOURED by one of the setbacks -- I feel, I cannot even think straight.... at this point right now, I just FEEL LIKE it would be easier to simply give up on HOPING... on EVERYTHING........ so I GUESS, it is good am going to MANILA and get some KIND of ALONE time -- time to think things through -- to see and re-asses my options...

Am just hoping & praying there will be NO NEW FAMILY DRAMAs, too -- to add to everything else.... Oh Life!!!

The Pressure Principle

I read this in one of the things I was browsing through and it caught my attention - of course.... am not too sure now in what context it is in.... if am reading it correctly.... or is it one of those sentences that has a double meaning... for whatever reason the sentence was running through my head all day long...
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"90% of a person's happiness lies in the shoulders of his or her partner..."
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My initial take on it is that the blogger is saying that: "90% of their happiness depends on their partner... like their life and happiness revolves mainly around the partner can can go bad or good depending on how things are with their partner.... if am reading it correctly, then I totally disagree to this. -- it puts such pressure on the other person's part....

Or could it mean that: "one is 90% happy when their head is resting on their partner's shoulders.."

HAAYS, EITHER Way - the way I see it, it is so much PRESSURE on one's partner....

"Unhappiness" -- According to Piglet

The Te of Piglet is what's keeping me company at nite these days... it is a great follow up to The Tao of Pooh, delves even deeper to Taoism and it's practices... Anyway, I just read this passage about Unhappiness and thought I would share it... it is something I have always felt strongly about... that is why as much as possible, I try to push away UNHAPPY feelings and those that results in these feelings....
================================================================= There is something in each of us that wants to be Unhappy. It creates in our imaginations problems that don't yet exist - quite often causing them to come true. It exaggerates problems that are already there. It reinforces low self-esteem and lack of respect for others. It destroys in workmanship, order and cleanliness. It turns meetings into confrontations, expectations into Dread, opportunities into Danger, stepping stones into Stumbling Blocks. It can be seen at work in grimaces and frowns, which pulls the muscle of the face forward and down, speeding the aging process. It contaminates the mind behind the face with its negative energy and spreads outward, like a disease. And then it comes back, projected and reflected by other unhappy minds and faces. And on it goes.... ===================================================================