Brrrrrrrrr........

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The only real blind person at Christmas-time

is he who has not Christmas in his heart.

— Helen Keller

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Been FREEZING COLD the last few days here in Taipei.....  rainy, gloomy, wet....  pretty much the same each year I suppose - but somehow, this year, it feels even colder, even gloomier, and looks even wetter everywhere I look....   maybe part of it is the fact that I find myself in tears, now and again, each and everyday....  At times, it feels as if soooo much is bottled up inside - trying soooo hard to get out....

Anyway, each and everyday, I just try my best to stay focus....   keep busy....   and do just about anything to keep my mind occupied in between the waiting... waiting for the day of my flight - which is coming up FINALLY..... and now I feel even more ANXIETIES....  so much BITTERSWEETNESS ...  as much as am HAPPY I will finally get to see Mom and spend the time with her - fulfill my PROMISE of being there for XMas - am soooo scared and sad as to what is waiting - what is to be.....   The last few days, each and everytime I call her, we go through so much emotions....  she cries and cries...  in pain both physically and emotionally....   all I can do is pretend to be strong and calm her down, as tears flows....

So am scared of what is to be... scared of all the decisions I might have to face.....  and all happening at what is my MOST FAVE TIME OF THE YEAR - ever since childhood.... as far as I can remember.... Christmas has always been a time of Joy & Good Cheer... no matter where I may be...  no matter with someone, with family, with friends, or even alone....  I still REJOICE when this time comes - as it ALWAYS seem to hold so much promise, so much love, so much miracle... and not just for me but for all....

So here it is once more...  only this time, I have yet to really feel the spirits of XMas....  as much as I have been admiring all the festivities I see and hear - Xmas Carols & Decorations - I have yet to get that feeling I often get as the days get closer to XMas...   I can only HOPE and PRAY that it will all change as soon as I see Mom...   it has to - at least this is what she needs to see from me - as she too, knows how I Love this time of the year....

A BIIIG THANK YOU to my friend, Danny for sending out the YUMMYLISCIOUS, Home Baked, Freshly Made Cookies all the way from Bangkok....  it warmed not just the TUMMY but the Heart, as well...   as you can see, Jewel and I enjoyed them right away!!!