GLOOMINESS

Okay, so I pretty much expected this weather as I saw it in the news yesterday.... albeit, the Heavy Rain and Thunder came a bit earlier than predicted, it was still expected....

Along with the Typhoon weather came so much more unpleasantness in the form of other things, other people....  Frustrations from not being able to do enough....  feeling helpless for the ones I cannot help.... and hurt from bitter words thrown my way, when all I was doing was caring...

I have always been told that my CURSE is that I am TOO SENSITIVE and that I CARE TOO MUCH....  MORE THAN I SHOULD....  and today, SADLY, I realise it more than ever...   Twice, with Great Intentions of reaching out and making family know that I CARE and MISS THEM resulted in getting my feelings hurt....   First, with every Great Intention and Genuine Feelings of Caring and Missing a family member, I reached out when I saw her on YM....   all was going GREAT till I offered a single advice regarding her future - a productive one  And I thought I was giving it  not in a  nagging way, but out of  a real genuine concern....   She has so MUCH HATRED in her life - that this one thing led her to BLOW OFF STEAM at me....   made me remember, all the other times I have been hurt by her careless words...  And, even sadder, I ended up yelling at my Mom... well, not directly at her - but to her over someone else.....  of course, I HATED myself in the process...  

Aaaaaah, I should know better....   I know my family for the most part... I know how they are... their good points and bad points.....   but why is it that I still let them get to me after all these years and everything else that has gone on in the family.....  after all these, I just had to drop everything and go out for a bit....  rain and all....  wanted to get some fresh air....   see something pretty - which is these blooms found by a school near the house....  then I felt better... and just had to remind myself that....

 I REALLY MUST LEARN TO CARE LESS....