Giving Thanks..... still....

I cannot even remember now that last Thanksgiving I have celebrated....   this is the 12th year I am not celebrating - yes, that looooong!!! I, too, cannot believe it.....

Though memories are all a bit jumbled up now of many Thanksgiving past - so many of these memories are still pretty fresh in my mind... and even more so, in my heart..... Thanksgiving with dear friends.... quiet moments with past love ones (not so many, mind you... hahahahahaha) .... having Thanksgiving dinners for some friends and co-workers who could not go home to their respective families; worse, who did not have families to go home to.... delivering meals to those who did not have families to go celebrate with through Chicken Soupers, and other various charities...

They were, they are, my families.... having grown up pretty much on my own - I was LUCKY ENOUGH to have had them all at separate times in my life.... they made my Thanksgiving complete and forever I will be THANKFUL to them - for touching my life one way or another....

 

 

And now another Thanksgiving is upon us.... lately, it feels as if I have less and less to be THANKFUL for.... with business the way it is.... with the way things have been with my family - near and far..... and of course, with the way things are with my Mom.... just the other day I spoke with her on the phone...checking in.... and even thousands of miles apart - I could hear the pain in her voice....  all i can do is try to not let on of my feelings and sorrows and just to be BRAVE and STRONG for her... something that is getting harder and harder to do as time goes by....    And just tonight, am reminded that it has been 8 months ago since the time my MOM went through her last complete physical... the time the doctor basically said she is LUCKY to have a year left in her...Has it really been that long already? Is this why she has been feeling worse and getting health complications lately? Is she feeling something that she is not telling us - in her way, trying to be Brave and Strong for us, too? I guess only time will tell....

For now, I will just be THANKFUL for all the days she is not in so much pain.... for the times she is able to get up and down the stairs on her own.... for the smiles I see in her, still.... for all the stories and memories she has been sharing with me - of her childhood, of my childhood, of our families... for reminding me something I almost always forget - that in the end, we only have one life and we MUST LIVE IT THE BEST WAY WE CAN. DO WHAT MAKES US HAPPY WITHOUT HARMING OTHERS, AND FIND HAPPINESS IN ALL THAT THERE IS.....

 But most especially, AM THANKFUL for whatever time I still get to have with her.... and though am not with her this Thanksgiving - it matters not as I surely will be with her for XMas - as promised....

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!!!