"TERMINAL"

Flying out today for Manila, tonite really as it is another one of those RED EYE Flights... am to see my MOM once more - whose condition, though was not getting better, at least not getting worse....

But yesterday afternoon, all that has changed, I got a message that she was rushed to the Hospital... in so much pain and all... something her regular medication could not even help... this put in in a tailspin as I could not get a hold of anyone - no cel network can connect me... Darn celphone providers! And only this morning, through my cousin's help, that I got to find out the whole story...

We have always known my MOM mush have some kind of Breast Cancer.... something she has accepted and did not want to make an issue out of... it seems to run with the women from my Mom's side of the family.... For her, if it was meant to be the cause of her departure from this world, then so be it... No matter what I say, she insist on not having the LUMPS on her chest looked at.... she lived with it.... and even hide it from us... and I, though it was always in the back of mind and basically in my everyday thoughts, Respected her wishes.... and just prayed and hope it can only get better... or at least, that she will not suffer....

Now the doctor's finding is something we already knew... Cancer, indeed... but now, words like "Last Stage" and "Terminal" are being used... first time for me to hear this in reference to my Mom... and it is scaring the CRAP out of me... and making me feel sooooo HELPLESS! I have seen and dealt with people who had died of cancer in my time... have heard these words before uttered by the doctors... but never, referring to a relative, much more - My Mom!

Saturday, tomorrow, I should be seeing my Mom and the Doctor... will find out more, as to what to expect, what to do, and how to deal... somehow I could not help but feel like a Baby - wanting to retreat from everything and having someone else take care of this matter.... but I know I must be an ADULT about it and face it all, as BEST I could....