“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.”==============
This past week, watching my MOM go through the motions of taking one test after another, upon my insistence - was TRULY DISHEARTENING.... I see her try to be brave and joke around... but I also see her body basically just give in after a few hours....
While she was going through her BONE SCAN on Friday afternoon, I spent the time talking to her husband... we basically discussed whatever we both know we cannot discuss with my MOM.... all the things that she does not want to hear.... and we both cried.... Cried for what we feel, will eventually come... He went on to tell me that my MOM had asked him to tell me that she really refuse to go through any kind of SURGERY or CHEMO Therapy for her Cancer... to make me understand that she has ACCEPTED her FATE... and that would rather live whatever time she has left - alert and still very much together, not suffering through the grinds of chemo and all.... These of course, I already know...
I also realized, from our talk, that my MOM agreed to go through all these tests because of my insistence... insisting the we know fully what we are facing... and then give her the options on what course of action to take.... hoping the findings will be favorable and the doctor will give us HOPE and choices.... But really, if she can have it her way, no more tests.... just pain killers will do....
As we wait for the last few minutes at the hospital, it hit me that I should STOP insisting what I want, what I feel is BEST... instead, I MUST ACCEPT hew wishes FULLY... RESPECT & FOLLOW THEM.... and just DO WHAT I CAN & HOPE FOR THE BEST...
While she was going through her BONE SCAN on Friday afternoon, I spent the time talking to her husband... we basically discussed whatever we both know we cannot discuss with my MOM.... all the things that she does not want to hear.... and we both cried.... Cried for what we feel, will eventually come... He went on to tell me that my MOM had asked him to tell me that she really refuse to go through any kind of SURGERY or CHEMO Therapy for her Cancer... to make me understand that she has ACCEPTED her FATE... and that would rather live whatever time she has left - alert and still very much together, not suffering through the grinds of chemo and all.... These of course, I already know...
I also realized, from our talk, that my MOM agreed to go through all these tests because of my insistence... insisting the we know fully what we are facing... and then give her the options on what course of action to take.... hoping the findings will be favorable and the doctor will give us HOPE and choices.... But really, if she can have it her way, no more tests.... just pain killers will do....
As we wait for the last few minutes at the hospital, it hit me that I should STOP insisting what I want, what I feel is BEST... instead, I MUST ACCEPT hew wishes FULLY... RESPECT & FOLLOW THEM.... and just DO WHAT I CAN & HOPE FOR THE BEST...
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2 comments:
so hard to do & yet you are right you must respect her wishes, I will pray for your mother & for you. I went through very much a similar thing about 4 years ago finally loosing her about 2 years ago. I so often wish she would have fought to stay alive as the odds were good, but she was clearly done with life.
my heart is with you, your mom & her husband. Hopefully you can be there for each other.
love & prayers,
Barbara (rhubs)
Thank You so much for sharing that Barbara.... Truly much appreciated.... *HUGS*
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