Thursday, April 21, 2011


It's been a a few days since I met with the Breast Specialist to have all my MOM's test results read.... Hoping for some kind of GOOD NEWS, even a tiny one at that - but there were NONE... hence, why it took me a bit longer to put it all into words, as each time I try to write, tears just comes streaming down...

Anyway, Tuesday the 19th, I went to speak with the doctor... my MOM did not come, of course - as I have mentioned in the previous BLOG - as far as she was concerned, the CT Scan was the last of the hospital visits for her.... Got to the Doctor's office at 3PM - her operational hours are 3pm till 6pm... and with the looming Holy Week, Tuesday i knew, was the last I could see her, before flying back to Taipei Friday... Needless to say I was nervous the whole time.... and it did not help that she was help up taking care of another patient and did not get to me till an hour and a half later... an hour and a half, waiting in the lobby... with the other women and posters of Breast Cancer all over the wall...

So first thing was having the doctor look at all the test results... CT Scan, Blood, Bone Scan, Liver Ultrasound... it did not take long.... and with one SIGH from her, I knew it was not good at all... still I hoped, as I waited for her words to come out... 2 sentences into it, I already lost it... tears rolling down and the feeling of suffocation settled in....

The doctor was kind enough to bear with me, and explained all to me... it boils down to the fact that, even if I can convince my MOM to get a MASTECTOMY - it would not do any good for two reasons (and age had nothing to do with it):

1) The cancer has spread out way too much... in her spinal, her liver and of course, her chest....
2) and the most devastating news: she has rendered the CANCER LUMP as INOPERABLE... it has gotten too big, too hard - and too much sticking to my MOM's chest...(Even
more tears flowed at this point...)

She went on to say that in cases like my MOM's... we should be LUCKY to have another year with her.... and that we need to prepare ourselves for the worst and the pain she is sure to endure in the final stages... starting with the back pains she has been suffering from of late.... and possibly the Liver giving out - as there is a big Cancer spot there, too....

The only thing the doctor can prescribed for my MOM at this point are pain killers that she has to take 4 times a day... and this EXPENSIVE medicine that she has to take each day to help with the big lump on her chest.... The rest is up to us -- to keep my Mom STRESS FREE, so as to not lower her IMMUNE DEFENSES.... to keep her HAPPY and VITAL throughout.... and to be Prepared as to what to do when the time comes....
The first two are easy enough, but how does one prepare for when the time comes???


Barry Boy said...

You can never really prepare, Mr Rudi. It comes, and it's sad, and the only way we can do when it comes is to pray for strength, and for the acceptance to come fast.

You can spend the time with her and make her feel that she's the loveliest woman you know. I know that she loves you and that she knows how much you love her.

If you need someone to commiserate with, I'm around the corner.

Juliana said...

Totally agree with Barry Boy's comment. One can never prepare for things like this.

Make her feel loved all the time and keep her company are what I think you can do right now. I always believe it is more important that how we spend time together, rather than how long we are together. Continue to create more and more lovely moments with your mother will be a better cure for both of you.

Pray for giving you strength, and I am very sure you would know exactly what to do when the test comes.

You have all of our loves, please do not hesitate should we can become some help. We are right here with you.


Rudi said...

mr barry & juliana,

Thank You both for the comforting words, as well as, the Friendships... Always there when am in need.... very much appreciated... hope you know this...


Zac said...

Dear Rudi,

Sorry to hear about your mum's condition. Like Barry and Juliana mentioned, you can never be well prepared for such things, but be thankful that you have time to spend with her now.

Talk to her more, spend more time with her and let her know that you care and love her very much.

I just went through something like this recently and it still hurts to think back, but if you need any advice do let me know.


archiemb said...

Hi Rudi!

I cried reading this because I went through with almost the same experience just last year. I still can't get over with it but whatever happen, your Mom knows that you love her very much.

My prayers for her and for your family.

This may be futile or not, but Miracles do happen :*)