Realization

Dateline: june 30th
2:42AM - mid Flight on Cebu Pacipic Air
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On my Monthly flight back to Manila... Same Old, Same Old.. Same hour long bus ride from Taipei City to Taoyuan International Airport.. Same looooong wait to check in and then to board... Same Airline Carrier, Cebu Pacific... Even some of the same smiley flight crew... Same arrival in the wee hours of the morning... But one thing surely is not the same, this time around, there will be no Mom to visit or look after... Oh how it breaks my heart...

The 2nd actually will mark Mom's 40th day since she passed away... A big day for the Catholics as it supposed to signify.....

On that day, my sis and i plan on taking her ashes back to Bicol.. To fulfill her last request.... That she gets back to her hometown, her Province... Her ancestral home... To pay a visit to her parents' - our grandparents' - tombs... And then to scatter her ashes in the ocean...

Possibly the last big thing I will be doing for my Mom... Besides saying prayers for her almost every night.. Besides lighting a candle in her honour at church, each and every Sunday... Besides talking to the little brown butterfly that hangs in the house of late - I still say it IS Mom... And besides thinking of her constantly.. And missing her...

Am sitting on the plane right now writing with tears flowing down... Saddened by the realization once more that Mom is gone... Truly Gone...

The Tears might subsides in time... But will the longing ever really do?