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Saturday, June 2, 2012

In Loving Memory: Mom

On the morning of May 24th, about 5:55AM, Mom passed away....   quietly in her own hom....  yes it was expected, as on the 20th - I ahve finally agreed to keep her off the Breast Cancer Medicine she had been taking for a little over a year....  Expected, but nonetheless a total shock as it came just waty too fast....  in my mind I was thinking, was hoping that we will still have, at least another month with her... 

I arrived on the 17th and was shocked to see the condition she was in....  so frail....  could not move at all as each movement meant screams of pain....   she looked so drawn and sooooo lacking of sleep.....   she has lost lots of weight from not being able to eat anymore....  she tosses and turns...  and cries every 5 mins or so..... with each cry a plea to stop the pain....  stop the suffering....  and now and again, a plea, a wish to see her other children.....  and when she calms down, she talks of being ready... that when DEATH comes for her, then she is already more than willing to accept and go....

This wish of her came true in the forms of my older sis, Rowena (along with her Hubby BR)  and my half sister Barbara....  they happened to have both come on the same day....  spending a bit of time with Mom....  which in turn, made her happy.... and I was, too, as I knew these visits are the kind of visits she looks forward to....  and adds life in her....  we gave her pain medications and sleeping pills around 7PM - hoping it will help give her some rest.....   it took a while to take effect - signs that the doctor said meant she is in her last days....   I stayed up with her till about 3AM...  when she seemed to have calmed down a bit....   and actually fell into sleep......  I went upstairs and got some shut eyes...  leaving her with Ate Malou, her caregiver that stays up with her in the middle of the nite....

a little before 6AM, I was awaken by my stepfather calling out my name.... he in turn was awoken by Ate Malou...   Mom, quietly passed away in her sleep....  I help her hands and wept....  stroked her head, all the while saying: "Rest Now My Dear Mom...  Be with your parents, siblings and love ones who have also moved on....  I Love You...."    I wept some more....  stopped for a little bit to call my Sister and inform her...  and notified my other siblings and family....  and stayed with my Mom for a bit more before I gather myself up to arrange all the funeral services....  all the while weeping.....

8 comments:

Rhubs Knit said...

Ah Rudi, I couldn't help but cry having lost my mom about 3 1/2 years ago. She too went in the early morning. It's so hard to see them in pain & so frail. Good to know the pain has ended even if we miss them terribly. I am so sorry as I know it is all so fresh for you.

Hugs from afar,

Barbara Christiansen

Barry Boy said...

Words are not enough to express my sincerest condolences for your loss. She's in greater hands now, and the pain for her is over - it will take time for you to adjust, but the good news is, you will. I am just one SMS / email / IM away.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Rudi,

Having lost my Mother to heart disease and cancer, I kcow the pain you are feeling and I know words cannot express the loss of a parent. My sincere condolenes to you and yoru family and may God watch over you as now has a wonderful Angel in your Mom with Him.

Reaching out to give you a big long distance hug. God Bless.


Gailya

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear bout your loss. Be strong, and God bless.
~adrian~

wtsrudi said...

Thank You all so very much for the sweet & thoughtful words.... am coping with the loss - slowly but surely with the help of your kindness and thoughfulness.....

love,
Rudi

PeytonGirl said...

Dearest Rudi,

I have been out of touch with everything. But I have been thinking about you and wondering about how things were going over the last few months. My own mom has been quite ill and while I sat in the hospital with her, my thoughts kept wandering to you and your mom.

My heart goes out to you. But you are a such a wonderful son and amazing person. You did right by your mom and I know that you must have been a great deal of comfort to her.

Big hugs and many prayers to you.

Much love,
Michelle & family

Gail Dimapilis said...

My sincerest condolences Rudi.

wtsrudi said...

Michelle.... thank you so very much for the kind words..... been a while, I understand, as I know how busy you are with everything on your plate, too..... I MISS YOU!

@Gail - Thank You! Hope you had a WONDERFUL time in Canada!!!