Unconditional Love

The Priest's Sermon this Sunday had me in tears....  maybe it was because I had just spoken to my Mom before Mass began...  the Sermon was  all about Unconditional Love...   and ACCEPTANCE....  seems that this is the running theme for me this whole week....  everywhere I turn, just another reminder that I need to ACCEPT THINGS as they are...  stop being fighting it for whatever SELFISH reason I might have....  and most of all, do not use LOVE as an EXCUSE for NOT ACCEPTING WHAT IS TO BE....

and right after the Sunday Service, as I was walking about just trying to get my mind of things, I happen upon this writing:

Acceptance is letting everything come.

Love is letting everything be.

Forgiveness is letting everything go.

Wisdom is letting all things arise, flourish and release themselves naturally.

Awareness is restful attentiveness, letting everything happen.

Enlightenment simply is.

...and yet another reminder that falls into the ACCEPTANCE theme.... haiiiiis.....   will try to sleep it all  off now....  tomorrow is another day...   another week.... GOODNIGHT ALL!!!

simply, i love you Mom...

"No gift to your mother can ever equal her gift to you - life!"

This could very well be my Mom's last Mother's Day with us, physically...  but am taking comfort that she will be forever be celebrating this special day...  as well as, all the other Holidays and just about everyday, whether here or just looking down on us, when her time comes....

I know each day fighting this disease take it's toll on you Mom....  still, you think of how it affects us - and you worry....   there's been times when you already want to give up as you do not like to see us suffering - but really, it IS you who is putting up with so much more suffering....  Been SELFISH thinking about LOSING YOU and  facing each day WITHOUT YOU here with us....   even from afar....  I have let these feelings and selfishness take over me and somewhat lose sight of what you want....  what you ask of me....   AM SO VERY SORRY.... 

Now I see much more clearly.....  I do not want you to SUFFER anymore than you already have... you already do....  I know now that it is not about LETTING GO, but about LOVING YOU SO MUCH  TO  ACCEPT...  TO  RESPECT....  and TO FOLLOW YOUR WISHES.... 

I regret not being able to Celebrate this day with you today - but will see you soon enough...

SUCKY SATURDAY

Oh Well... so much for wishing today could be as Smooth as yesterday....  never mind that it is not as Fun but at least, it could have been smooth....  but nope, not happening....

Woke up early, went to the Post office as soon as they open at 9AM, so I can get back to the house ASAP and not miss the Postal delivery, as I did yesterday....  was told before anytime before 12 noon...  all was fine... was whistling like a happy camper that I am....  last thing to get down for the day then I can venture off to see Dark Shadows....   but when 12 came and still no delivery - I placed a call to the Postal Office, was given the delivery guy's direct cel number and called him...  was told that his load was too much and I would need to wait till about 3PM... boo hoo...  my morning and now part of my afternoon gone....   Oh well, at least the sky is blue.....  so I got showered, and got ready while waiting so I can GO as soon as they deliver...

Well, finally my delivery came after 3PM....  I should have been happy but am not, because along with the Postal Delivery man - HARD RAIN came, too!!!   It is still raining like Cats & Dogs as I write this...  so am stuck at home....   waaaaah.....

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"...let anger escape like stream or let it be like acid that damages the container..."

FUN FRIDAY!

Yesterday was Good.....   weather wise, it was not too hot, and not too wet either....  in between - just the way I like it....   work wise, it was also good....   got all my things done fast....  no major headaches....  and with all that out of the way, I even got to start my weekend a bit early

Met Sue for a quickie lunch...   we went to Swensen's - for a bit of Lasagna & Bacon Burger....  and of course, to get a bit of that Bay Area feel - as it is where Swensen's is originally founded....   always a pleasure having lunches with friends....   no matter how long or how quick their allotted lunch times would be...  we make the most of the time - enjoying the food and the chats....

 

Ate so much I had to actually run to the Gym for a bit of cardio work out - as I knew I would be having dinner out later, too!!!

Later in the day, hung out with Juju and Mommy....   more chatting....   more food.... and a bit of nighttime playtime at McDonalds.....

Ended my day at almost 11PM..... a quick shower, answered a few emails and to bed I want....  Satisfied with the day and hoping today, Saturday will be just as smooth and fun... :)

Sweet Saturday All!!!

UNPREPARED

of course!   no matter how I have been, supposedly, preparing myself for this time - I still find myself unprepared and lost....

almost a month now have gone by since I was in Manila last....   the time when I heard from my Mom's lips that" "she had made Peace with the Lord... and that if it's her time already, she is more than prepared..."  words that I said to myself will make me decide to also let go and let nature take it's course with her condition....   in other words, stop with the Cancer medicines that has been prolonging her life....

I had till the 5th of this month, when the pills would have run out....   I was tortured, day in and day out, all the days... trying to decide what to do...   trying to prepare myself even more....  still, am not....  when the time came, I still broke down and sent money to my stepfather for my Mom's meds....

But now, it is truly out of my hands....  been on the phone with them constantly, while am trying to do my work in Taipei....   besides, no matter where I am, my thoughts are always back in the Philippines....  with my Mom....  always on the phone just monitoring her condition from afar....   talking with her just to make her feel she is loved and not sooooo alone....   to assure her that her children, no matter how far away and how busy, still thinks of her and love her in each our own way....

the last few weeks, her condition has been deteriorating...  eating less and less.... and in pain more and more....   and the last few times I have called, not only my stepfather - but my Mom herself had been telling me that she is in soooo much pain and that she cannot take anymore...  in her words: "what medicine can I NOT TAKE anymore - so as to not prolong this suffering..."   words that put me in tears, each and every time....  and put me in a depressed state....  not really having any family to discuss these matters with, am left feeling all alone and lost... 

today, when I called, I was told by my stepfather that her right side, where she is affected more by the breast cancer, has finally given in...  no longer can she move her right side... not the arm, not the legs.....  and this sent her into a more depressed stage....   and this idea alone makes me feel so very sad for my Mom....  I can only imagine how even low her morale is....    and it really does not help that no one has visited her since I was there last....  since moving to her new home, no friends or family has come to see her....  a sad fact but something I cannot change - and not from NOT TRYING....  no one even bothers to talk with me about what is going on with her....   so I just accept all these, and just  try to make my Mom not feel so unwanted - as much as I can, however I can....

so now, her cancer meds is good  till about the 20th of May....  she is told that they are there and it is very much up to her if she wants to take them or choose not to - everything up to her and how she feels.....  that all will be just OK with us....  A LIE on my part but am RESPECTFUL of her decision....   no matter how I look at things, no matter how I  tell myself that in the long run she is better off as it means her suffering will be less and shortened - a big part of me is still struggling with the thought...  the thought that her end is getting nearer and nearer....  Selfish on my part, but I do admit that the idea of being Motherless paints such a sad, sad photo in my life....   but one I must ACCEPT and FACE....  not for myself, but for my Mom.... 

Hot Hot Spring Day

Literally, as it was quite a Sunny Day yesterday, Saturday the 5th, when we went to Jing Yong Quan Spa Hotspring Resort for the 2nd time....   a complete 360 turn, weather wise from the last visit when it was sooo cold and ever raining a bit - this time it is Summertime, sun shining - which made the Hot Spinrgs even Hotter!!!

Still it was a nice time as, for some reason, the place does not get a lot of crowds - almost having an EXCLUSIVE RESORT, to one's selves...   and to think we went on a weekend, too!   Am not complaining as it made for a quieter and most relaxing time....

(LEFT: EATEN ALIVE by the FISHIES!)

It was just quite surprising for me as the place is really nice with so much amenities to offer....  Hot springs with different treatments (Ginseng, Milk, etc...); Cols Springs; a Volleyball Pool where one can do laps if no one is playing.. ; a fish pool to eat away the dead skins;  kiddie pools complete with slides and all; Private Hot Baths where Men and Women are separated so one can go in the all together...;  Dry & Wet Steam Rooms; a full restaurant and a coffee shop...; plus rooms for overnight and weekend stays.....

(I LOVE THIS SCULPTURE WELCOMING THE GUESTS... TOO FUNNY!!!)

Am told that it does not attract a lot of people for a couple of reasons:  1) Poor Advertising....  2) a lot of people now trek on to Yilan for the Hot & Cold Springs instead....  TOO BAD for the place, but GREAT for those who knows this place....

(Even Prettier At Night!)

...with Johnny and Jewel...

HOT & WET

well, today's weather seems to be APROPOS for the day that it is: HUMP DAY!  Started off frigging hot and sunny....  and was all set to go on a trek in search of COOLER PASTURES for Juju and I to play in or hang out in, then in just a SNAP, it all changes to GLOOMINESS and RAIN!!!   Too bad the temp did not seem to have been affected as it is still quite Hot....  Humid even....  as in I just showered half an hour ago and am ready for another one already... LOL....

Actually, it has been like so since the middle of April....  temperature kept rising with Humidity factoring in...  and then all of a sudden, non-stop Rain...   and some days, Thunder and Lightning even....  Outdoor running is now relegated again to night time... just as soon as the sun comes down, so as it is not too late but late enough that the sun is gone and the breeze, however little it is, is already blowing for the night....   It is even getting Hotter already Indoors - time for the Air-Conditioning to do it's wonders once more - as the FAN is are just not enough again....

anyway, as always, leaving you some HOTTIE photos for this HUMP DAY!

All Time FAVE Hunk....  oooops, I meant Actor: Piolo Pascual

Famed Fashion Photographer: Mr Nigel Barker....  the only reason for me to watch America's Next Top Model... now that he is Off the show, I will not be tuning in anymore.... 

Vampire Diaries' resident Hunk Wolfman, Michael Trevino, continues on endorsing Bench!

Substance Or Beauty

"Every morning, before leaving his home, the great philosopher Socrates used to stand in front of a mirror and gaze attentively at his reflection for several minutes.

One day, a disciple came upon him doing this, and was unable to suppress a smile at the sight of his master examining himself so closely.

Socrates turned to him and said, "You are smiling, no doubt, at the sight of this ugly old f...ellow staring at himself in the mirror, are you not? I do this everyday."

Shamed, the disciple bowed his head, but before he could beg pardon, Socrates continued: "On seeing myself in the mirror everyday, I become aware of my own ugliness. This strengthens my resolve to live in a way that the virtue of my work may outshine the unattractiveness of my countenance."

The disciple exclaimed, "Master, do you mean to say that those who are good looking should not look in a mirror at all?"

"Nothing of the sort" said Socrates. "They should also keep looking in the mirror to remind themselves to think, speak and behave in a way that is as beautiful and striking as they are. May not their actions cast a shadow over their pleasing appearance."
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In this way Socrates left behind a profound lesson for all of us: Handsome is as handsome does.

Of Hunks, Horror & Hump Day!

Am not one to watch scary films - unless they have Vampires or Werewolves, of course! - much more a weekly TV SHOW filled with scary ghosts...  but my, oh  my, am I glad I broke down and gave this show, American Horror Story, a chance....  Got the DVD last time I was in Manila and have been watching all of Season 1 the last few days....

Okay for starter, Jessica Lange is in it!  She does not miss a beat - no matter how short her scene is... no matter how many lines or no lines she has to give, this woman chews up the scenery...  all eyes on her....  still I cannot shortchange the supporting cast, who are all SUPERB...   Besides Jessica Lange being in it, the only other thing I know is that Dylan McDermott is one of the leads, as well...  yes, hunky Dylan from The Practice.... he has been missed....  but with this show, you will get your fill of him as he is in many states of undress almost each and every week....  Not Complaining here, mind you... :)  He is even Hunkier than ever!!!  At 50 years old, he gives actors half his age a run for their money... 

But getting back to this super creepy show - what a ride each and every episode.....  the hair on my arms (and legs!) stands up each time I watch it...  I can only take one or two episode each sitting...  even cannot believe it is from the same creators that brought us GLEE!!!   Except for some quirky characters running about each shows, there really is no other similarities anymore....  The opening scene alone, set in the 70's with Twin Boys meeting their demise at this creepy mansion in the first few minutes is already sets the mood as to what's to come.... 

The premise is quite simple really:  Family of three relocates from Boston to Los Angeles, you learn a bit later on that one of the reason is the Father's (Dylan McDermott) infidelities....   buying this giant mansion for 1/3 of the real value should have tipped them off and question it all - but then, we would not have this wonderful show....  Connie Britton as the wife is a stand out, too....  Tough and Sensitive at the same time....   Each episode brings a host of new characters and one can never be truly sure who is ALIVE and who is just there to bring on some FRIGHT....   and I do like the fact that almost all of them, so far, have  had a full story....  either within the episode, or carried over a few episode..... 

This FX show (and a good thing it is on FX - they get away with more Gore, Blood and Sex on cable!) must truly be POPULAR already even amongst the stars, as a host of familiar faces from the BIG and SMALL SCREEN have turned up as Guests or Semi Regulars....  either that or the CLOUT that the producers carry lures them in....  amongst the semi regulars are Dennis O'Hare (True Blood); Francis Conroy (Six Feet Under); Kate Mara (Brokeback Mountain); Eric Close, Mena Suvari (American Beauty); Charles S. Dutton,  etc....   and  Zachary Quinto (quite hilarious each appearance) & Teddy Sears are quite noteworthy as the  quarreling Gay Couple Ghosts!!!

If you have not seen this show yet, in case am not the only late bloomer here, pls do check it out... truly one of the most exciting, scary, sexy, well crafted and well acted shows ever to grace our living rooms....

AMERICAN HORROR STORY on IMDB

Happy Earth Day 2012

Nurture Our Mother Earth With Love - and Watch It Bloom!!!

such is life....

The last few days since coming back from Manila has been TRULY up and down....   have had sooo many mood swings I cannot even tell at times that am crying while talking with others....  embarrassing, indeed....

Trying to keep myself busy - doing all that is needed to be done...catching up.....  and even giving myself new projects....  and playing with Juju....  still, in between all of these, all my thoughts are on my MOM and the decision to be made.....  as we get closer to the end of the month, am getting even more lost to a point am getting anxiety bouts....  if only I can slow the days down..... 

Aaaaah but such is Life....  we make do with the cards handed to us....  we deal with all as best we could.....  and just Hope for the Best!

Zac Efron for PENSHOPPE!

Penshoppe first brought us  Gossip Girl’s bad boy, Ed Westwick.  Then it was dreamy Thai cutie Mario Maurer. So, how re they topping these two - with none other than Zac Efron (Hairspray, High School Musical, New Year's eve, etc..).  What a SCOOP!!!  I myself, cannot wait to see more of the ads they will be coming out with using this Hollywood Hunk!  Just in time to, as he has a new movie out to promote, The Lucky One.... 

It has been stated that Zac Efron has never done an endorsement, so this partnership with Penshoppe is a first for him.  TRULY a GREAT SCOOP for the Pinoy Brand that seems quite intent to conquer the International World Market.

When asked in a few interviews why he chose to endorse the brand - Zac stated that: “I got to know the history of the brand and I like how it’s an original Pinoy brand,” he says. He adds further that, “We have this good family friends who are Filipino and they urged me to say yes. They said it was the top brand in the Philippines,”.

and this has been your HUMP DAY NEWS and Photos for the week!!! :)

A couple of stills from his movie The Lucky One, coming out this month.

...another reason to love this guy...