Aug 7th will be Mom's 74th BDay... will not be there so we made the most of things and had a mini celebration... mini Chocolate cake to boot... it made my Mom Happy.... and made me even Happier.... and it also helped that my cousin (Mom's Niece) with family in tow, came to spend an afternoon with her, too.... but I know deep down she is emotionally sad...
Actually, this is the first thing I noticed when I arrived this time around... though she looked healthy, her movements tells me that she was in pain once more... and her eyes, like mine, do not lie.... sadness is sooo apparent... the first few days i was shaking it all off to the fact that her prescribed meds already run out and had expired... not wanting to go back for further prodding and tests, she had to make do with pain killers the last few days... and the appearance of more growing LUMPS on the side of her right breasts...


Lost... Lost like a little boy once more - not knowing what to make of thins.... Lost, as to wanting to be a little boy once more, so I do not have to face and make such decisions... Lost in thoughts as to why now my Mom brought this up... I could not help but think and wonder: "Is she feeling something that she is not telling us?" "Is she herself, preparing us... preparing me in her own way?" Maybe am just letting my imagination run once more... I do not really know... this is why I feel sooo LOST...
Later that same day, I found myself, in church once more... Praying.... Praying for more time... praying for less pain.... praying to find the strength for what else to come....